I fell in love with a man named Jesus

2007-05-11T22:20:00.000-03:00

I guess it is time for a post, it has been forever... Thanks for the prayer's for my kitty, she is miraculously still alive and doing really well... Only a miracle, funny how God even perform's miracle's on cat's, wow... The Vet didn't even think she would live, everything I read said if you don't catch it in 6 hours they usually die and she went 5 days... So we have changed her name from Taboo to Sunshine! I need to take her in and get her kidney level's checked to see if there is any permanent damage done...

So I have been neglecting the blog world for the facebook addiction, I really am sorry... I will try to do better for those few of you who still are reading this...

God is so good, I have been looking over my life this past year and it is really awesome how far I have come, I am sure I have alot further, but progress is progress... One day at a time...
I had a close christian friend of mine tell me how much I had changed, how much more I had become like Jesus in the last year, so that was awesome. And last week at work a co-worker of mine told me how far I have come in the last year, that really excites me because I know that it isn't only the christians that notice....

There is so much going on in my life and this past week I realized that I was starting to get anxiety over everything so Monday night I realized that I had forgotten to give it to Jesus and he is the one in control so I gave it all to him, so now I just have to wait and now I do have so much peace about everything... Praise the Lord! Well good nite my blogger friends ;)

2007-04-04T12:44:00.000-03:00

A friend brought me an Easter Lilly on Friday and little did we know that Easter Lillies are toxic to cats, so my cat is at the Vet right now having eaten the ends off the Easter Lilly on Saturday, I was on Grand Manan till late Monday night for my Grand Father's funeral, so when I realized this morning that she hadn't eaten since I left and was vomiting, I realized something serious might be wrong. So if you believe in praying for a cat, now might be the time, because my poor kitty is going into kidney failure. What next Lord?

2007-03-31T01:53:00.000-03:00

Today has been a very strange day, I can't even share most of it yet, maybe sometime. All I know is that I am going to have a lot of decisions to make in the next few months. Yeah I need some prayer. And also my Grampy went home to see Jesus this morning, and I do have peace with it. I am just so glad that I know where he is, and someday I will see him, and really get to know him. So I am headed to Grand Manan once again tomorrow, I haven't been home this much in a long time. I have until next Thursday off for bereavement days, and then I work Thursday and am off till the next Tuesday so it will be a nice little break. Too bad I couldn't get Thursday off.

I was remembering when I first started writing this blog and what a hard time I was having at work, I have realized lately that I have finally found contentment in my job, and I actually enjoy working most days, now that is a miracle. What next Lord??

2007-03-27T23:04:00.000-03:00

I have been really blessed, I have not had anyone close to me die, besides my Great-grand parents. As I sit here writing my Grand Father is lying in a hospital bed on Grand Manan and they have taken away his oxygen and his intravenous so he can die, because there is nothing they can do. And my heart is breaking into a million tiny pieces, and I don't understand why it's breaking. We really weren't that close, but he's my Grand Father. He has been fighting God all of his life and a couple of weeks ago he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour, so I can rejoice in that. I need peace Lord, give me peace.

Crown Canada

2007-03-20T13:03:00.000-03:00

Life has been pretty busy lately...

Tonight is week 8 of my public speaking course, 2 more weeks to go and then we have graduation, I seem to have gotten so far... and just can't get any further, I get up there and freeze, I start out and then my mind goes blank it seems like forever (but it's only a few seconds) and then I'm okay, I just want to get up there and be able to do the whole thing without freaking out....

Last week I started leading the Crown Financial small group bible study at our church, I am pretty excited about that, we only ended up with 2 people after a bit of miscommunication, but it still turned out really great. I love leading that course. To see people get that God does care about our financial situation and when our finances are a mess our relationship with God can be a mess as well.

I have also been hitting the gym lately, which takes up a lot of time, but I feel so much better, can't wait to lose all the weight I have gained over the winter. So far I have gained weight, hopefully it's muscle. :)

2007-03-05T21:40:00.000-04:00

I'm on my way to bed and don't feel like writing, so all I want to say is.... I'm so excited Spring is almost here! Does Springtime make anyone else happy?

Friday's Feasts

2007-03-02T12:50:00.000-04:00

Appetizer
What does the color pink make you think of?
Deanna, cuz she looks great in pink, and of course every other color.

Soup
Name something you thought you had lost, but later found.
My keys, many times :)

Salad
In 3 words, describe this past week.
Never felt better

Main Course
What are you obsessed with?
Jesus!

Dessert
What kind of perfume or cologne do you like to wear?
I prefer fruity body sprays, rasberry is probably my favorite!

2007-02-26T00:43:00.000-04:00

I realized today why things have been so tough lately, because Satan doesn't want me to find pure joy so he is going to do everything in his will to tear me to pieces. But I have news for him, he doesn't win!

Now that felt good....

2007-02-18T22:16:00.000-04:00

So... I feel like writing, I seem to be writing a lot lately, it's good therapy. I find what I can't say in person I can write it all down and it somehow makes sense. It's kind of strange writing to the world, anyone has a possibility to see. It's not like writing in a journal, you have to be careful because you never know who will read it, sometimes I wish I could write exactly what I am feeling, without talking in riddles, oh well.... that's what a journal is for.

I am now going on week 5 of The Christopher Leadership Course in public speaking, it has been really great for me. Last week they awarded their first "Most improved student", and I won. That just tells you how terrified I was of speaking in front of other's. I still am a little nervous but I actually love it and look forward to the classes. Because I won, I had to give a thank you speech, impromtu, and this week I have to give a gift presentation to whoever wins, impromptu as well. Anyways, I am excited and can't wait to see where God is leading me.

2007-02-17T02:21:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered how there can be so many people around you, yet you still feel so alone. No one who really understands you, no one who will really listen. I feel like I am an outsider in this world. I seem to be in a lot of different places, with a lot of different people, but I don't quite belong. I feel like I could easily get lost in the crowd. There is nothing about me that is spectacular, nothing that makes me stick out from the rest of the world, everything about me is mediocre, and somedays it makes me kind of sad. But I should be happy, because this is how God made me... or is it??? Maybe I have allowed circumstances to make me??? I think this is why I am not satisfied with mediocrity because I know I have the potential to be so much more.....some day.....

Friday's Feasts

2007-02-16T00:03:00.000-04:00

I thought I would try something new and came across these a while back so here it goes my first Friday's Feast. It was kind of fun, good for a laugh.

Friday, February 16, 2007
Feast One Hundred & Thirty One

Appetizer
What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?
I don't know something relaxing... birds chirping, Amazing grace...

Soup
Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).
Partly cloudy with some sunny spots. Depends on the day....

Salad
What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?
Finances... Yes, I'm in the wrong profession :)

Main Course
Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?
The Bible! It would be nice if I could understand everything I read that day as well, but remembering it would be a start.

Dessert
If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it? a gigantic orange flavor sucker (the good orange flavor) with a fudge chocolate layer between layers of sucker, which is funny because I don't like orange chocolate... It would be called Super Layered Orange Chocolate Sucker...or SLOCS for short. LOL

Attitude

2007-02-10T19:55:00.000-04:00

One of the girls from work brought this quote in and my boss actually had it laminated, and he posted it on our bulletin board, pretty neat.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes." Charles R. Swindoll quote.

This quote is so true, how many of us are affected everyday by our attitudes and how we react to the situations that God gives us. How many of us look back at the end of the day and wish that we had just reacted differently, but we get so caught up in the now, that we forget what we are saying, we forget what we are doing, until it's too late. But it is never too late to change tomorrow!

Matthew 5: 21-22
21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.
22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

When I read this passage a couple of weeks ago it really convicted me, how many times have I been angry (even if it is short lived)? How many times have I called someone an idiot (even if it is under my breath)?

Little update

2007-01-31T22:17:00.000-04:00

Since most of January was a write off I figured I should start February off with a bang, so yesterday I started the Christopher Leadership Course in public speaking so the next 8 weeks are going to pretty torturous, because I am absolutely terrified of public speaking, it is my #1 fear in life. Which is why I am doing this to get over that fear and build a little self confidence, because I know God has huge plans for my life. And tonight I started up a gym membership, so my goal will be to get to the gym 3 times a week. So I went and bought new sneakers and now I need some new outfits, money, money, money...... Anyways I need to get to bed I am going on day 6 of my 7 day stretch of work and I am pretty tired.

The Beatitudes

2007-01-24T18:02:00.000-04:00

One of my struggles is reading the Bible. Don't get me wrong I do read my Bible but I find I have a hard time meditating on it and understanding it. I tend to read it and hope it sinks in somewhere. So I have been working on the meditation and understanding part, and it just happens that our pastor started preaching a series on reading, meditating and acting on what we have learned. He also has introduced a Bible study called Reading the Red, (reading the words that Jesus spoke) and made up bookmarks with the days to read which scriptures. I think it is a great idea, seeing what was most important to Jesus, in his words. And it also gives me a place to start, instead of running from one chapter to another.

So yesterday's scripture reading was The Beatitudes Matt 5, and I just happened to read about that the night before in the book Pure Joy. R.T. Kendall talks about how blessed could also be interpreted as the word congratulations. "God congratulates those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs." Why would God congratulate those who are poor, those who mourn, etc.... because they have overcome and dignified the trials here on earth. They weren't handed everything on a silver platter, they had to put their trust in God. They had to work through, the trials and tribulations, the testing and disciplining, the pain and suffering, that God had allowed into their lives for whatever reason. But they knew that God had allowed it, and their reward was waiting for them in heaven. So everything we go through here on earth, we need to thank God for allowing it in our lives, instead of grumbling and complaining, because it will be well worth the pain when we get to see Jesus face to face in Heaven.

Matthew 5

The Beatitudes
3 “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
4 God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.
6 God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.
7 God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8 God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.
9 God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.
10 God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
11 “God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.
12 Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.

Pure Joy

2007-01-19T21:33:00.000-04:00

I have decided that 2007 is going to be a really big year for me. So far not so good, but I have a little over 11 months to go. I have been feeling pretty crappy lately, tired, I have had 6 migraines in 2 weeks and a on top of that a headache that seems to always be lingering for 3 weeks or so....so it kind of sucks. So to be real, I am trying to get back into the groove of life but it has been really hard lately. I seem to be going nowhere, even when I think that everything is okay again, it's not. I just want to sleep. So enough complaining....

This past year was huge for me, if I was to write what I had accomplished the list would go on and on..maybe someday I will....

And what I want to accomplish for 2007, and no it is not a New Year's Resolution. I am not into New Years resolutions, that is why I had to wait 3 weeks.... I want to find pure joy.... The joy that only the Lord can give us, that comes from deep within....and no that doesn't mean I have to be happy all the time, because we have to have joy even in our sorrows.... If I were happy all of the time it would be really fake, because that just isn't me.

If I could accomplish this one thing it would be huge for me... and it would bring so much growth along with it. I started to read a book called Pure Joy, but I haven't finished it. I think my first step is to pick it up again and really read it.

2007-01-09T21:28:00.000-04:00

I was taking blood on an elderly lady today who has cancer. She was telling us that all her life she never drank, smoke or went out to the bar. She then went on to say that by being a christian if you go into a bar you are taking Jesus into the bar, as well as God and The Holy Spirit. I thought that was pretty neat, and also a really awesome example of how easy it is to witness to others.

Lobster for Supper

2007-01-02T22:53:00.000-04:00

Over the years my family has developed a custom of having lobster over the Christmas holidays, and every year they take it up to "the other house" to cook it. Why??? Because I was always allergic to lobster. If it had been cooked in someones house I would walk in and even if it had been 2 days before I would have a reaction, my throat would get itchy and swell, etc. And I just couldn't be around it. But this year was different! Last May when I was at the Anne Grant Retreat on Grand Manan, on Saturday night, they call it Healing and Deliverance night, they were feeding the Bahemian ladies lobster. They brought them out and I realized that I better get going, so I went to tell me mother that I had to leave because of the lobster. I was starting to feel a little light headed and strange so as I was leaving my Mother grabbed my shoulder and said "Satan you can't have my daughter!" And I went down on the floor. As I am laying there I am fading in and out of consciousness and in my mind I'm thinking I could be laying here dying and people are going to think I am Slain in the Spirit. And then the peace of God came over me and my airways opened up and I felt great, and then all I could do was laugh. Well I haven't come into contact with Lobster since then, so I really wasn't sure what to expect this Christmas. I really didn't believe that I was healed. I thought it was just for that night. Yea of little faith. I even got my Dr. to prescribe me an epipen! I came home on Dec. 22 and my Mom called me at my brothers to tell me that they cooked lobster at the house, just to let me know. So I was kind of mad, because I thought I would react. I went home and no reaction. So that's cool, but they were just cooked it's not like I had eaten them. The next day Mom gets them out to shock them, and I stand there, and man don't they smell. I'm standing there waiting for a reaction and nothing happens, I get bored and go upstairs. Then it's supper time and I get kind of mad because Mom didn't cook anything else for me to eat and I'm not eating lobster, and there is no benadryl in the house. So I give in and I take a little bite and nothing happens. So I ate 2 whole lobster roles! Wow! God is good!

It's almost Christmas

2006-12-08T23:52:00.001-04:00

This is going to be a really random post. For some reason all I can think about writing is... Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.... So I guess somebody needed to hear that.

Oh and I love Christmas, which is funny because I usually don't like Christmas or winter, but this year I love it. I guess that shows how far I've come since last year. Praise the Lord. Last night I got the "fake" tree out, and Deanna, Holli and I started decorating it, and tonight I finished decorating it all by myself and put some lights up in the window, so "It's beginning to feel alot like Christmas" , it's great. Now I just have to put a few lights outside and the house will be done. Deanna will be happy, she has been bugging me to decorate for almost a month now.

2006-11-21T19:47:00.000-04:00

We wish each day away, why? So we can wish the next day away. It doesn't make sense. Why are we always in a hurry to get our day over with, waiting for the weekend, and then the weekend comes and then it's gone, and we do it all over again. I just don't get it..... but that's what I do and I know so many who also do it. Where is God in our day to day life?? Where is he when we are at work?? Do we wish our days aways?? Or do we involve God in everything we do?? Do we see the little opportunites to shine his light or do we tuck him away and save him for a later more "appropriate" time??

2006-11-18T01:02:00.000-04:00

Life seems to be so different.
It's not good,
it's not bad.
It just is.

So many questions,
waiting on God's truth.
Watching, wondering.
What's going on?

So where am I at??
Feeling kind of lost.
Don't want to go back.
Just want to go forward.

Yet still content,
loving Jesus,
wanting more,
waiting patiently.

Can't seem to see Him,
can't seem to feel Him.
Knowing he is still there,
wondering why??

2006-11-07T21:17:00.000-04:00

Life seems to have slowed down a little bit lately. It appears to be a season of thinking and resting, there are so many questions and I am patiently waiting on the answers. And little by little they seem to be coming....thankfully. Things are starting to make sense even if I am not getting the answers that I am looking for. God knows and that is all that matters.

Yesterday was our first snow fall of the year and I really enjoyed it. Deanna was so excited that you really had no choice but to be excited. After work I picked up Dee and we came home and I found her snowsuit, hat and mittens so she could go out and play. Then I blew up her tube sled and took it outside and let her go down the little hill in our back yard, just perfect for a 3 year old... God is good. We had a blast. And today the snow is gone....

2006-10-18T23:40:00.000-03:00

When I was finishing up my shift tonight, I went to check to make sure the ER didn't have anyone left that needed their blood taken and a gentleman said good evening and thanked me for helping out tonight. I know I looked at him shocked, because how many times do we get a genuine thank you for doing our jobs?? I really appreciated that one little comment even if it did take a while to sink in.

Praise God!!!

2006-10-15T23:44:00.000-03:00

It has been a while since I have posted any praises to God and it is so easy to forget to praise Him especially when things aren't always the way you want them to be.
But he knows our hearts desire. He knows what is best for us right now. Where we need to be and why, even if we don't.

I want to praise God tonight for how far I have come in the last year. Praise Him for completely breaking me a year ago, because that was just the beginning of where I am and where he is taking me. Praise Him for the friends I have made along the way. Praise Him for the heart ache, the pain, because it has made me who I am today. Praise Him for life, because when I look around me I do have it pretty good. Praise Him for the gifts he has given me and for helping me to develop them more and more each day. Praise Him that I can hear his voice. Praise Him for the angels that surround me. Praise Him for Deanna because she is such a blessing. Praise Him for my job. And I even want to praise Him for my debt because it has taught me so much about money and has given me a passion for helping others with their debt.

Under the wings of God, while a storm brews overhead.

2006-10-10T20:54:00.000-03:00

Thanks everyone, sorry I have been gone so long. Things have been so busy, and I just haven't taken the initiative to sit down and write...it is so hard to explain where I am at right now. "Under the wings of God, while a storm brews overhead." Yes Emily, the devil is definitely mad, and he is also very sly... The last couple of weeks have been a struggle, I was getting so tired, and when I get tired, I get grumpy and down... You know how it goes. Work is my biggest struggle I have such a hard time being positive there, it's like I am a completely different person when I am there, and I let it get me down, because I keep failing, over and over again. But I will succeed, hopefully someday soon. I just have to give it to God. My prayer right now is to love people like God loves them, even with all of their imperfections, because I'm not perfect and I don't know anyone that is. I just want God to mold me into the likeness of him, because he is the potter and I am the clay.

So on that happy note, Deanna went to her Dad's for the long weekend and I stayed in town to rest. I did rest, but man what a weekend. Intense, crazy, awesome!!! How else can I explain it. I really don't think that I can. It is awesome where God is taking me, has taken me. I feel like I am living in this supernatural world, I guess I am. God is giving me his eyes, his ears and his heart.

Friday night Chrissy and I went to "the barn" to pray and praise, and they ended up praying for me for quite a long time, it was awesome, more healing. God is showing me what doors are open that need to be closed and where all the pain is coming from. Slowly but surely.

Saturday night I went for Thanksgiving supper at my friend Danielle's house with her family, so that was nice. Then 6 of us went down town and prayed around the city we didn't actually get out and talk to anyone until we went to get a snack at the Irving, so we went in and a couple of the girls were able to witness to a couple of people.

Sunday came and it was a crazy day, we spent a complete 18 hours in the Spirit, worshipping God, praying for people, ministering to people, laughing, crying, prophesying. One of the most amazing days that I have ever had. So many stories, too many to tell... Then I had to go back to work, Monday night. Ohh what I could do for the Kingdom if I just didn't have to work.... someday.

Ohhhhh what a journey

2006-09-22T03:40:00.000-03:00

It's 3:30 am and I am just getting home from an awesome night of prayer, teaching and talking. When we let the Lord lead us He will take us on a mighty journey. He can take us from the valley to the mountain top in no time if we will only let him and are open to receive. Everytime I gather with these awesome sisters of mine he brings us closer and closer to him, breaking off anything that is left over from the past, delivering us from all evil... Minute by minute we get closer to him, and the day that I meet Jesus I want him to say "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The little things

2006-09-06T22:47:00.000-03:00

I love it when God's in the little things, when we don't have any idea, but he does.

On Monday I went to get gas and my bank card wouldn't work. I knew there was money in it and I couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work. So I happened to have $20 in my purse, which I never do, so I paid with cash. I went home and made sure that there was money in my account, and there was.

The next day I checked and I had forgotten that my mortgage was going to come out on Tuesday, so if my card had of worked I wouldn't of had enough money for my mortgage, and I don't have overdraft.

Just another way of how God sees and takes care of even the smallest details in our lives. Awesome!

2006-08-29T22:55:00.000-03:00

The song goes "Brokenness, Brokenness is what I long for, Brokenness is what I need, Brokenness, Brokenness is what you want for me."
I can remember singing this chorus with my whole heart and really meaning it, and wondering at the same time why anyone would ask God to break them??

Are we really ready to be broken?? What does "to be broken" really mean??

We fight brokenness but God wants us to be broken, so that our only option is to call out his name, and he will make us whole again.

Any thoughts??

The light seems to be dimming

2006-08-29T18:43:00.000-03:00

I am so very tired, I really don't feel like writing, but thought I should.....I guess working overtime and five nights in a row and the last 3 weekends is finally hitting me. Thank goodness I have Thursday and Friday off, and then a 4 day weekend when Anne Grant comes and then summer will be over and work will hopefully get back on schedule. Anyways I do have something I want to write, very soon....

I did it

2006-08-21T10:40:00.000-03:00

I woke up this morning thinking about debt, and how my next step in getting out of debt is to get rid of my credit cards. As some of you know one of my God given passions is to get out of debt and help others to get out as well. I have lead two Biblical Financial bible studies, and will be leading another one probably in the winter (maybe fall). Because I went to University for five years, and stupidly blew every penny the government gave me and every penny I made while going to school (which was quite a bit for a student), I now am facing the consequences. So anytime I get further ahead I keep blowing it with the credit cards. I have felt for a little while lately that I am suppose to cut up my credit cards and can never do it. So I woke up this morning and cut them up.....and now I could puke, I'm feeling light headed and sick to my stomach. It's kinda funny how we can so easily put our trust in credit cards instead of depending on God to supply all of our financial needs.

So now Lord I put my trust in you for all of my financial needs, you are the only one that can get me out of debt (my goal is April 2010) and it will take a miracle, but I believe in your miracles because you are the almighty God, maker of heaven and earth, and I can do all things through you who gives me strength. Amen.

2006-08-19T00:16:00.000-03:00

I realized tonight how afraid I am of man. I decided to join three of my friends as they were going to pray around the Exhibition Centre where they are holding a Psychic Fair this weekend. We arrived there and I was quite afraid, not as afraid as the night before, but enough that I was not free. Two of the girls walked boldly in, and another girl and I stayed outside, she had her shofar with her, which was awesome and she blew it as we went around the building and prayed. The girls came out and we walked and prayed together, but I was so afraid. One of the girls started praying out loud as the other was blowing the Shofar and some guys were hollering, or booing or something. There weren't a lot of people around because it was late, but enough to make me afraid. But I did it, I was there, that was the first step to breaking this spirit of fear.

2006-08-17T23:22:00.000-03:00

(Big sigh) peace perfect peace. The peace that God gives after being obedient and doing his will is such an awesome feeling. The chat is over, my part is done (besides praying), now it's in God's hands. To be honest, I am so relieved.

2006-08-17T19:00:00.000-03:00

Anyone out there, we need some serious prayers that the Holy Spirit would lead us tonight. We are meeting her around 9ish to talk, and I'm shaking already.

Pray for me

2006-08-16T23:41:00.000-03:00

Work today wasn't as great as other days, and it was a battle I didn't win, but tomorrow I will.

If anyone out there could pray for me, for God to give me wisdom, courage and the words that he wants me to say when I talk to one of the girls from my church, it would be very much appreciated. This could be a life changing situation.

At the end of June, I was praying with a few people from the church one Sunday morning and God gave one of the girls a vision. I went out into the church and I saw a person and God said that's him. I later verified that what I saw was exactly what she had saw in the vision.

Last night I talked to this girl who it had to do with and when it was all said and done I had no peace about it, I didn't get it across to her exactly the way that God wanted her to see it. So I went to bed last night and I felt that I was suppose to write it out and give it to her and talk to her again.

So I really need your prayers, that the truth would come out, that I would be 100% sure that it is how we see it and not something else. Why did he show us this (me this), I barely even know these people. Why can't I get any peace out of the situation and why do I care so deeply, I have no stakes in it whatsoever. I really don't get it.

2006-08-14T23:42:00.000-03:00

My exciting news.... I worked 6 days straight and have to say that I enjoyed everyone of them, now I just have to keep the days rolling.

I have been looking back over the past months, years during my walk with God, trying to figure out the reasons why some days, weeks and even months it is harder to feel close to God. What is it that actually pulls us away from God?? God never pulls away from us, we are the ones that pull away from him. I am trying to figure this out now, so that I am ready when the time comes to fight to stay close to Him.

One of the biggest things that I can see, is that when God asks me to do something and I really don't want to do it. Instead of just doing it and fighting him on it(because he always wins), I stop listening to him, and I start shutting him out. I gradually seclude myself from him, and it is very gradual.

Another big one is, if I know that I am living in sin. Doing something that I know God really doesn't want me to do, and not stopping and trying to correct it. No matter how much I try to justify it, it always ends up bringing me down, usually pretty hard.

So how do I get out of the mess that I get in, by God's grace, and realizing that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. One of my favorite verses and one that I have read over and over in the past year is:

Romans 8

Life Through the Spirit

1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a]
2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in sinful man,[d] 4in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.
6The mind of sinful man[e] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;
7the sinful mind[f] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so.
8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

2006-08-08T22:22:00.000-03:00

I went to work today and had a great day. I actually enjoyed it, I enjoyed my co-workers, my boss, the morning (once I got up) and especially enjoyed getting to train our last summer student on her first day. I absolutely love training people for some reason, it gives me great joy. So I pray that God will give me another great day tomorrow. I want to look forward to going to work everyday!!!!!! Amen.

Wow, Day 40

2006-08-05T22:18:00.000-03:00

Wow, it's day 40. I did miss some days of blogging my praises but I never missed a day of actually praising God, and I really do see a difference in my life and the way I think even if I still have a long ways to go.

I praise God for the light. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years now, off and on, it was really bad after I had Deanna. Over the last year things had gotten better, but after christmas it had set in again. At the beginning of April I was on my way to church one Sunday morning and I felt God telling me to go to a different church that evening (Sunset). Now I am not one to go to different churches especially by myself. So I kept questioning whether I was really suppose to go or not, by Sunday night I knew that I was. So I headed to Sunset, the pastor did a sermon on communion, it was really good, but I was still wondering why I was suppose to be there, and then at the end he told us he felt he was suppose to do an invitation for hands on prayer and he especially felt that God was saying that there were people that needed prayer for depression, so I went up and one of the pastors prayed with me, it was an awesome experience God's presence was so real, and I remember the pastor praying for me, I don't remember exactly what he said but the gist of it was, how I needed to fight this depression and that I would get out of it and God wanted me to walk towards the light and I would be free. So 4 months later my days are so much lighter, lighter then they have ever been for as long as I can remember, even though some days are a struggle, something was broken that day. God is showing me his light, day by day, helping me to break free from the darkness.

I wrote this in my prayer journal April 2, 2006.
Father God thank you for today. Thank you for a new beginning. You have opened my eyes, and I listened when you spoke to me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for picking me up when I fall down. Thank you for your love that never fails. Father God these past days have been dark days, yet you have shown me light, you have shown me there is an end to this darkness and I thank you for that. How does it get so dark?

And God gave me this scripture to answer my question.

Jeremiah 6:4-5
"Prepare for battle against her!
Arise, let us attack at noon!
But, Alas, the daylight is fading,
and the shadows of evening grow long.
So arise, let us attack at night,
and destroy her fortresses!"

The devil tries to keep us in darkness so that we are weak and he is able to attack us when our guard is down.

And this is Gods answer.

John 12:46
"I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."

Day 39

2006-08-04T22:22:00.000-03:00

So I have saved one of my hardest praises for the near end. I have known that I needed to praise God for this and I have tried many times and just couldn't do it, so here it goes.....I praise God for my job. I praise God for my co-workers, I praise God for shift work, and for the pay cheque. Most days I go to work because I have to, because it pays the bills, because I don't have any other options. But I never go to work because I love my job, which just isn't right. The worst part is I can't even fake it, and as hard as I try to be positive and not mumble and grumble, the negativity just seems to slip out, alot. This is not what I want, I want to go to work because I love my job, because I love my co-workers, my boss. I want to be happy when I am there and make other people happy as well. I don't know why I am not happy at work, I have been so blessed with a decent paying job that enables me to be a single mom and still pay the bills. Maybe because I am not free there. Maybe because it doesn't feel like I am doing God's will, maybe it's because it is too early in the morning :) I do know that someday when I am able to, I want to go into full time ministry of some sort, (missions maybe) that is my dream, and my dream will come true. So now I have to pray for God to help me to be happy at work and where he has me right now.

Day 37

2006-08-02T22:10:00.000-03:00

Praise God for a quiet house. Today my sister left, my mom left, and my daughter left, they all went back to Grand Manan without me. I came home from work and the house was so quiet, except for the air conditioner, and it was really nice, so then I had to figure out what I was going to do with myself.... So I went outside and tried to get a little tan in the smoldering heat, which lasted all of 20 minutes, then I came back inside and paced around, I even got so bored that I went and sorted all of Deanna's clothes and put them all away. I talked on the phone, I thought about going out somewhere but that would have involved spending money, and I've spent enough in the last week to do me for awhile. So it was a really peaceful night, our prayer group got cancelled so I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself, and then my roommate came home and we ended up talking and praying together... that was pretty cool... so the quiet time was nice, but I do have to say that I miss Deanna, and Natania and my mom.

Day 34

2006-07-30T21:36:00.000-03:00

I want to Praise God for my sister. My sister has been in Fredericton staying with me for the past week, even though I have hardly been able to get on the computer and haven't been able to listen to my music, and the tv has been on alot, I really have enjoyed having her stay with me, babysitting, cleaning and just being able to spend time with her. We haven't always gotten along, but now that she has taken me back to the wonderful age of 13, I remember what it was like when all you had to think about was boys, it is almost refreshing, until I stop and remember where that lead me too......... So I just pray that she learns from my mistakes and thank God for her life and her heart for Jesus.

Day 29

2006-07-25T21:34:00.000-03:00

Praise God for his freedom. I guess I am way behind on my blogged praises, but I have been praising God everyday, even when I really didn't feel like praising. So what has been going on??? Tuesday the day after I wrote my last blog the computer stopped working. Was it coincidence?? I don't think so......It started working again on Saturday.....Wednesday night God told me to start a 3 day fast, because he was going to be showing me all of the stuff that I needed to deal with, so by Friday night I had broken all soul ties and asked for forgiveness and also forgave many people for things that I had held onto from my past, mainly dealing with family and ex-boyfriends. It is amazing how free I feel, how many pounds have been lifted. I am so much closer to complete freedom and I can't wait until that day comes. So I have been planning on blogging about this but haven't been able to make it to the computer for any length of time because my beautiful 13 year old sister came back to Fredericton with me to babysit for a week or two, which doesn't leave me much time on the computer, between her being on it and entertaining.

Day 21

2006-07-17T12:17:00.000-03:00

Praise God for loving me even when I don't deserve to be loved. I'm home, I'm on vacation, but I'm miserable. Why?? That is what I am trying to figure out. A spiritual battle?? It would be so much easier to run away, go back home, relax and enjoy my time off. But I have to battle it out, find the roots, figure out what this is all about. I thought I had gotten over everything here, but I guess God is showing me how much further I have to go. I have come so far, but I do want to be completely free. There is so much freedom in Christ Jesus if we just accept his freedom, but it is not always easy. I want His freedom!!!!!

Day 18

2006-07-14T23:15:00.000-03:00

Praise God for his protection. In the last week I have travelled back and forth to Beulah and now I'm on Grand Manan, and I just want to praise God for keeping me safe. He has protected me as I drove in the dark, during thunder and lightning storms and lots of rain, and also during the day when I was very, very sleepy, but he kept me awake. I just thank him for loving us enough to protect us and watch over us. He cares about even the tiniest details in our lives. Now I'm officially on vacation and am heading to bed so that I can get rested up and enjoy my life to the fullest.

Day 17

2006-07-13T22:09:00.000-03:00

Praise God for very needed vacations. Tomorrow is my last day of work until I am on vacation, and I am so looking forward to not having to work for 10 days. I have nothing planned except to go to Grand Manan to visit my family, attend my cousins wedding, and see what God has in store for me there. Maybe he will take me on a couple of little adventures, or maybe he will just let me rest in him. Time will tell, I just know that whatever he has planned I will enjoy it.

Thank you Lord for giving me a vacation this summer, thank you for letting me rest in you. Give me the strength to get things ready and out the door, because without you I am weak. Help me to stay focused on you and your will for my life. Help me not to wander off the path that you have set before me. Give me a good nights rest so that I will be rejuvenated for tomorrow, keep us safe as we travel. Amen

Day 16

2006-07-12T23:41:00.000-03:00

Praise God for the children. Luke 18:16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." This week I was able to spend alot of time at Caton's with these little children that God loves so much. I was asking God what I could do to help these children and his answer was to love them like he loved them, to hold them like he held them. Father God help me to show these children your love, help them to see you in a real way, help them to be a light in this dark world, help their families to come to you, help them to be free to spread your word to the world. Protect them, comfort them and let them become more and more like you everyday. Amen.

Day 14

2006-07-10T23:10:00.000-03:00

I was debating whether or not to post for Saturday and Sunday, but I think I am going to skip them and start Day 14 today. I did have some awesome Praise time this weekend at Beulah but I did not get a chance to write anything out.

Today I am going to praise God for his little adventures. Saturday God took me on a little adventure to a little Island off of Beulah called Caton's Island, this is where they hold kids camp's all summer. This week the Smythe Street and Sunset Church have rented the Island and are holding there own kid's and youth camp. Last week at church I was talking to a lady and her husband and they were going down to be counsellors at the camp and I told them I was going down to Beulah and she thought I meant to Catons, and she said I knew you were going to be there. And of course God was in on this, so I spent last week praying about what my role was going to be at Caton's. So by Friday night God told me that I knew what my role was, so Saturday at 3pm came and I headed to the landing for Caton's, where you call for a boat to come and get you. Of course no one answered, so then I was like ok God, now what, I thought you wanted me on the Island, not overlooking the Island. So I went down and sat on some rocks and started praying and praising God, I heard his gentle voice saying get your bible. I went back to my car and started praying there, and then I heard God again saying open your Bible. I opened my Bible to:

Isaiah 42:10-17

Song of Praise to the Lord

10Sing to the LORD a new song,
his praise from the ends of the earth,
you who go down to the sea,
and all that is in it,
you islands, and all who live in them.

11 Let the desert and its towns raise their voices;
let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice.
Let the people of Sela sing for joy;
let them shout from the mountaintops.

12 Let them give glory to the LORD
and proclaim his praise in the islands.

13 The LORD will march out like a mighty man,
like a warrior he will stir up his zeal;
with a shout he will raise the battle cry
and will triumph over his enemies.

14 "For a long time I have kept silent,
I have been quiet and held myself back.
But now, like a woman in childbirth,
I cry out, I gasp and pant.

15 I will lay waste the mountains and hills
and dry up all their vegetation;
I will turn rivers into islands
and dry up the pools.

16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.

17 But those who trust in idols,
who say to images, 'You are our gods,'
will be turned back in utter shame.

As I was writing this out in my prayer journal it turned 4 o'clock and I heard the boat starting up and I got a little excited I was going to Caton's Island. I really can't remember the last time that I was over to Caton's and I wasn't quite sure where I was headed so I just let the Lord lead me. The first stop was a little beach with a few big rocks so I sat on the rocks and finished writing the scripture's out, and then I took off and God lead me around the entire Island praying. It was quite amazing, I saw a rabbit in my path on one side and then on the other side there was a deer in my path, they both just stared at me for a minute before they took off running through the woods, what a beautiful time with God.

Sunday came and I thought Smythe Street was suppose to be at the landing for 5, so I went over to see them off, but of course they weren't there. So I sat there wondering if they were already over there or hadn't come yet. I was getting ready to leave and the boat came over, I was still sitting in the car, and no it's not a coincidence that the guy came off the boat up to my car to see if I was coming on the Island, I asked if Smythe Street was there yet, and no I wasn't going to go over. He said they were already over there. So he left and God said yes you are going over, so there I went. And then I headed down there again tonight after work for a couple of hours, not quite sure what the big picture is, I guess only God knows, and time will tell, I'm headed back again tomorrow night. So thanks again God, for taking me on little adventures and stretching me to become the woman that you want me to be, obedient and humble before you.

Day 11

2006-07-07T20:42:00.000-03:00

Tonight I am going to praise God for Beulah camp. I am heading to Beulah tomorrow for a couple of days. For those of you who don't know what Beulah is, it is a Wesleyan camp ground, where people go and stay in cottages, tents and trailers. Every July they hold camp meetings for 10 days, they have guest speakers, singers, etc. For as long as I can remember every summer I have gone to Beulah, even before my parents owned a cottage there, we went. So many memories. Even as I have gotten older I try to make it down there a couple of times in July and also throughout the summer. It draws you in, the sweetness of the place, the peace, the familiarity. So many life long friends made growing up, so many young crushes on cute boys :) So many walks through the woods and around the camp ground. So many days and nights on the beach. So many late nights talking with friends and staying out past curfew. So many church services when you were young and didn't want to be there, and so many church services once you got older and just wanted to soak it all in. Ahhhhhhhhh sweet Beulah land here I come. Thank you Lord for Beulah and so many past memories and so many more memories to come. I praise God for what you are going to do there this year, how many lives will be saved, how many lives will be changed. God you are so good to us.

July 6, Day 10

2006-07-07T12:35:00.000-03:00

My praise tonight isn't one that I write lightly about, it has taken me a long time to be able to praise God for this. It has only been in the last year that I can really praise God about this, and on some days I still do struggle, when I'm in the flesh, when jealousy tries to take over, but God has been so faithful and I know I am truly blessed.

I praise you today for Deanna's dad. I praise you for bringing him into my life, our lives. I praise you for a dad who loves his daughters, who wants to spend time with them. I couldn't ask for a better father for Deanna, except that he know you, and I pray that someday he will. I thank you so much that he chooses to discipline his daughters, where there are so many fathers out there that will not, because they are afraid that the children will not love them. Like you discipline your children Lord we need to discipline our children, so that character is built and boundaries are set so that we can live healthy, full lives. This discipline causes us to love you even more Father, because we know that you care about us, and want the best for us, your best. I thank you that we are able to get along, that we are able to raise her as a team. I thank you that when he has her on weekends that he will drop her off at church when I ask him to. I thank you for bringing his family safely from Ethiopia, his brothers, and sister, and that his mother will come back someday soon, so Deanna can have her grandmother here. I thank you so much that because of you we are able to have a healthy relationship, because that is what is best for each and every one of us. Since I cannot provide Deanna with the family structure that you intended Lord I will do my best to give her the next best thing and that is her father. Amen

July 5, Day 9 of Praise

2006-07-07T12:14:00.000-03:00

Sorry I haven't been posting my praises, I have been getting home very late the last couple of nights, due to prayer group Wednesday night and work Thursday night, and I have a new roommate so I have been trying to be pretty quiet. I have been praising but I wrote them in my prayer journal.

Today Lord I praise you for the new friends I have made and the new friends that I will be making. God you have brought so many wonderful people into my life and I thank you so much for each and everyone of them. You know my heart and what I need. I praise you for our times together, for bringing each and everyone of us together in your perfect timing, to pray for each other, to build each other up, to just be there. I did not realize that I could be so blessed that you would bring these people into my life. That we would be able to come together and pray for our church, to pray for our city, to pray for our nation. Thank you so much Father. I pray that you will bring more and more people together in your beautiful name, and that only the people sent from you will come. That you will keep anyone out that is not from you. That you will keep the enemy away from each and everyone of us and protect us, guard over us, teach us how you want us to pray and fight for your kingdom. I love you with all of my heart. Amen.

Day 8

2006-07-04T20:58:00.000-03:00

Praise God for single mom's.

It is not an easy task being a single mom. God did not intend for it to be this way. He made man and woman to be joined together in marriage to have children together and to bring them up in the ways of the Lord. But for many of us, this isn't our reality. We were lost and God found us, now we are alone, trying to raise Godly children. For me as a single mom I have to give so much of myself and sometimes it's just not enough. I have to play the role of mother and father. I have to work full time, evenings, weekends, days, there is no set schedule to our lives, which can be very unhealthy. I have to be the maid, the cook, the repairman (which doesn't always work to well). But through it all how blessed am I to be able to raise this beautiful child, to ask her at 3 years old,where is Jesus? and her reply is "in my heart", to hear her singing praises to Jesus, and praying "for the food" as she goes to sleep. Praise God for all the single mom's out there who are giving it their all when it comes to raising Godly children.

Day 7

2006-07-03T20:39:00.000-03:00

Praise God for 40 days of Praise

Today is one of those days where I woke up, actually I don't even think I ever went to sleep, and as I am driving to work I am praying to God that the day will run smoothly, and I hear this small voice saying but it is not going to run smoothly, so what are you going to do about it?? I tried to ignore the voice still hoping that I heard wrong. I arrived at work and then it started, for those of you who don't know exactly what I do, I am a lab technologist, which means I take people's blood (yes I get called a vampire all day long) and then I process the blood, urine and stool samples, nice I know. So I arrived at work and the printer decided it was going to crash. So my printer doesn't work, that really complicates my life, I can feel the stress level going up already, I'm already late. I have to tell the emergency room that they are going to need to call me everytime they need blood drawn, while I run around taking people's blood that are really hard to get.... and it kept going and going, I didn't get to eat until I got home at 3:30. Nothing seemed to run smoothly. So while this is going on, I am fighting to praise God, I am trying to keep focused on God, I am trying to remember to pray for people as I lay my hands on them as I take their blood. I am trying to keep a good attitude (which I didn't succeed to well at), I did let it get me down. But the day is over and I want to praise God for 40 days of Praise, because if I didn't know that I was going to have to write some sort of praise to God, I may have easily forgotten about him today, and then what would my day have ended up like...

Day 6

2006-07-02T20:40:00.000-03:00

Today I want to praise God for lightning bugs aka Fireflies. Over the last week or so I have been watching these amazing critters, they are such a beautiful reminder of God's hand at work. Today in church our pastor happened to bring lighning bugs into his sermon. How we need to be like lightning bugs, lighting up the darkness around us. We need to be a light in this dark, dark world. Are we a light in this dark world?? As we go about our day do we make a difference to those around us?? I looked up some information about Fireflies and found something that said the lightning bugs that we see flying at night are all males, the females are perched waiting for there signal. Men are you being a light in this dark world, are you taking the role that was meant for you?? To be the head not the foot?? Praise God for helping us be a light in this dark world.

Day 5

2006-07-01T19:05:00.000-03:00

Today I want to praise God for 2nd,3rd,4th........... chances, for his saving grace.

4 years ago today July 1, 2002 was the day that I met Deanna's father, at a bar. I was there with a friend having a good time, or what I used to think was a good time, that was the beginning of a 3 month relationship. September rolled around and I told him that if he didn't want a committed relationship then that was it, so that was it....

October 18, 2002 came an hour before my friends were to throw me a big b-day bash, I decided to take a preg test and it was positive. I was in a state of shock, I was convinced that I was not going to have this baby, so I went and bought the alcohol anyways. Because of God's grace, of course I was having this baby, of course I couldn't bring myself to drink the alcohol. A month later I finally called her Dad to tell him I was pregnant, this was after many debates with friends and family about whether or not I should even tell him I was pregnant, I barely even knew this guy. How was I to know what kind of Father he would be. In the end I knew I had to do what was right, I didn't want to have to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life wondering where he was and I realized that this baby would need her father, no matter how hard it would be for me to let her go. After we talked we decided that it would be best that if we didn't get back together just because I was pregnant, because he has another daughter and they had gotten back together when she found out she was pregnant and it didn't work out.

I was in my last year of a 5 year Bachelor of Medical Laboratory Science program. The next 9 months were very trying. I was sick the entire pregnancy, I was attending school full time, I was working at the hospital taking blood, averaging 20 hours a week. I saw a nutritionist, I was in counselling, I took baby classes, healthy eating classes, I read anything I could get my hands on. It is all such a blur, I think I was going through the motions but it's so hard to remember actually being there. I saw Deanna's dad maybe 3 times while I was pregnant, all I had around me were a couple of friends, and a few awesome professors at the University. One of my prof's, who was the head of my program was s0 great. She helped me to get through the year and graduate so that I would have it done and over with before the baby arrived. I finished my last course 3 days before my due date, that was through the grace of God.

Through this time I kept seeking God, or I should say God was seeking me, I was very resistant, or stubborn, I wasn't going to give in to God which meant giving in to my mother.....but he had me it was only a matter of time. God just kept popping up everywhere, the counsellor I went to see was a christian, My Grand mother had given me some books and one of them happened to be a christian book, "Beyond Ourselves" by Catherine Marshall, a holy spirit filled book, an awesome book and, it scared me half to death, but drew me in slowly but surely. I don't even think I was able to finish it at that time.

So Deanna Jayde came on June 19, 2003. We disappeared to Grand Manan and Beulah Camp for 10 weeks, I think I called her Dad twice. Pregnancy and having a baby really messes with the hormones, I was a such a mess, I didn't want him to have anything to do with us, I just wanted him to be like so many other dead beat dad's, why did he have to care, why did he want to be part of her life. He wasn't there to sign the birth certificate and I didn't know if I was going to put him name on it or not. Finally after hours at the hospital, I wrote his name on it without his signature. I was told that if I did that his name wouldn't be on it, but at least I could say that I had put his name on it. A month later it came back to me saying it needed his signature or something in writing saying he wasn't able to sign and was not part of her life. I felt like if his name was on it I would lose any control that I had over the situation. So I struggled over that for another month and a half, it just tormented me, I didn't know what to do.

One night he came over to see her and I remember praying and feeling that I was to get him to sign it. So I did and he did. After he left I went to my Bible and I remember asking God to show me that I had done the right thing and I opened up my Bible and this is the scripture that God gave me Luke 8:16-18 A Lamp on a Stand "No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him."

How much clearer could God have made it then this....For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. If I had chosen to send it back without his signature it would still be haunting me to this day, that is if it hadn't already been found out. That is the night that I surrendered my life to God, the night that his grace covered all of my sins and set me free. The night that I was covered by the Blood of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.

I was baptised shortly after that along with my brother and sister and other youth from across Grand Manan. The story goes on and on but I will save the rest for a later time....

Day 4 of 40 days of Praise

2006-06-30T13:14:00.000-03:00

Today my praise is for God's calling on my life. Even though it is such a big picture, it is so nice to see God revealing the tiny pieces of it bit by bit. I received a message from my mom the other night wondering what my support system was when I was up here, pregnant and all alone.... Because she knew a girl that was in Fredericton in the same position as me...and then I saw it, in a matter of minutes the plan was formed, very rough, but it is there, wow God you are amazing.....So now my prayer is for God to give me the wisdom, the courage, the strength, and the ability to put this all together according to his will. He has to be the one to set this in motion, to open doors that are suppose to be open, to close doors that are to remain shut. To bring the people to me that are meant to come my way and to keep the ones away that aren't.

Power of Praise

2006-06-30T12:51:00.000-03:00

This morning I was reading "The Power of Prayer and Fasting" by Marilyn Hickey. And she talks about Praising God, so I thought I would share a little bit...

"What happens inside you as you praise God--And I mean really praise God without any concern for time passing? Something inside you begins to break and be molded more into the likeness of Jesus Christ. Something inside you begins to rise up because you begin to see God as being greater than any problem you have, mightier than any enemy that is coming against you and more loving than any amount of discouragement, disappointment, or depression you may feel. You begin to catch a glimpse of God's majesty and glory. You begin to see God for how powerful and mighty He truly is! The more you praise God, the smaller your problems become in comparison to the infinite greatness of God."

Day 3

2006-06-29T23:17:00.000-03:00

Today I am going to praise God for my beautiful daughter Deanna. There were so many dark days over the past 3 years and on some of my darkest days I would pull out a cd that a lady gave me when I first attended the Alpha program fall of 2003. Whenever I would doubt God's plan for my life or Deanna's life these words from God always gave me comfort.

"Before you were ever born, you were special to me. I knew you before you were ever conceived in your mothers womb, with my own hands I fearfully and wonderfully created every little detail that makes you so unique. I knit together your body soul and spirit. I saw you long before you ever existed. I watched every day of your life, so I know you, I know where you've been, where you are, where you are going. If only you knew the thoughts I had towards you, did you know my thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand on all the beaches of the world, you are the apple of my eye. When trouble approaches I hide you in the shadow of my wings. I've even engraved you on the palm of my nale scarred hands. It is my love for you that makes you precious and honored in my sight. I created you for my glory and I would never abandon what I had formed and made. My goodness and love will follow you everyday of your life. So do not fret I will fulfill my purpose for your life and always remember my love endures forever and ever."

Day 2

2006-06-28T16:25:00.000-03:00

I woke up this morning and could barely move, I was having a really hard time praising god. I turned on the praise music and opened my bible and started reading. Then I started reading "Rules of Engagement" Preparing for your role in the spiritual battle, by Derek Prince. Really great book I can't wait to read it again so I can get even more out of it. Then I took my book outside and layed on my hammock reading and just taking in the beauty of nature, the flowers, the trees, the sky, the beautiful breeze, everything he has blessed me with. So my praise to God for today is a day just to spend with him. Deanna is at her Dad's, I don't have to go to work till Saturday, and I get to go to prayer group tonight, what better way to spend the day then with our Lord and Saviour.

40 Days of Praise

2006-06-28T15:53:00.000-03:00

So I happened to come across Danielle's blog http://unfailinglovemusings.blogspot.com/ , from Jen's blog http://jenochej.blogspot.com/, from Emily's blog http://em-elizabeth.blogspot.com/, you know how it goes. And she is doing 40 days of praise and after yesterday I have decided that I am going to start blogging my 40 days of praise, wow what a difference this will make in our lives, what a difference it has already made. It is so easy to praise God when we are on the mountain, but to praise him when we are in the valley, not quite so easy.

Day 1

2006-06-27T22:47:00.000-03:00

Last week at our prayer group I told them that I wouldn't be able to go to church on Sunday, we have started to go for the 9 am service to pray and then we attend the 11 am service to get fed, because we were suppose to go camping on the weekend, and then it gave rain so we cancelled our trip so I was able to go, and the weather turned out to be beautiful. I also said that without a miracle I wouldn't be able to go to our prayer group the next Wednesday. Well this morning I got up and cleaned and then I was outside trying to scoop the water out of the sand box, don't ask......and I bent over and there goes my neck, man am I in pain. So I went to the chiropractor to see what he could do for me and then off to work, where I ended up in the emergency room. While I was waiting they let me go back to the lab so I was laying down in one of the phlebotomy chairs thinking about how much pain I was in and all I could do was praise God. Praise God for being able to feel pain, praise God for a job, praise God for sick leave with pay, for medicare, for health insurance, praise God for friends and family, for a beautiful day, for life itself and on and on, it was so awesome. And also God gave me tomorrow off as well so now I can go to prayer group, not quite the miracle that I had planned.........but it will do

2006-06-23T20:35:00.000-03:00

This is Deanna at her third b-day party. I don't know what has happened but it's like the day she turned 3 she became little miss independent, I can do all things by myself and I have a mighty attitude problem. So it really has been a long week fighting this out of her. Today we seem to have almost conquered it for now, not completely but getting there. She has gone since Monday with no treats whatsoever until today because she was finally manageable. Somedays I just want to give up. This single motherhood can be really really tough somedays, some weeks some months.................

2006-06-21T23:02:00.000-03:00

So since the last post God has been doing some awesome things. Last Monday I was in the parking lot of the Super Store on my way grocery shopping and I felt God saying go to the Light House bookstore, so I left and went. On my way there I was talking to a friend and told him that God wanted me to go to the bookstore and I had no idea why, but I would know when I got there. When I walked in there was a girl from Smythe Street named Chrissy and we got talking, and the Holy Spirit was there, it was awesome. The next day she called and invited me to a prayer group that she goes to on Wednesday nights, so I decided to go and there it was 6 people from Smythe Street Cathedral, praying and fighting for God's Kingdom, AWESOME........It is funny how God works in his own time, especially when we listen. I am so excited to see where God is taking us....

2006-06-11T13:36:00.000-03:00

Church was really awesome this morning. Thank you to all who have been praying for Smythe Street Cathedral, God is answering our prayers, keep praying that the Holy Spirit will move. God has put me at Smythe Street for a reason. 3 years ago in September I can still remember him calling me there, over and over, and I knew without any doubt that I was supposed to be there. I had no idea why, but I am starting to see the beginning of it. The first time I went there, a lady stood up and gave a prophetic word, I have no recollection of what she said but I remember knowing that it was confirmation from God that I was suppose to be there. Still after going there for 3 years I still feel like an outsider, I still feel as if I don't quite belong there. There are so many people around you, but who are these people??? It all seems so superficial. As members of the church body are we not suppose to come together so that we can fight a stronger fight, so that we can pray together and be one in Christ????

2006-06-10T21:29:00.000-03:00

This is for Emily and anyone else out there that needs to feel God's arms wrapped around them.

HELD (Natalie Grant)

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

2006-06-09T19:08:00.000-03:00

I woke up to God this morning, I set my alarm clock for 6:30 am and didn't get up till around 6:57 but it's a start, so I didn't have as much time as I would have liked but it sure was better then no time. My idea is to number 1 through 21 on post it's and to stick them on the fridge and have a 21 day count down, and by day 21 it will become a habit to wake up to God.
It actually works, I did it last month with cleaning my house everyday and now my house is cleaner then it has ever been and it feels great!!!

2006-06-09T00:02:00.000-03:00

I had a crappy day, and I even came home to Deanna who was having a crappy day, and all I wanted to do was come on here and blog about it, and then I was going to tell myself to suck it up!!! And even the blog was having a crappy day......and wouldn't let me on. So now that I have gotten that out of my system.... I must say around 9pm I put my bahemian praise music on and I have had a much better day, the power of praise, wow!!! My house is even cleaned spic and span, and my room is changed around, I am getting ready for a new roomie who is moving her stuff in tomorrow, actually today. Hopefully today will be a better day, I am going to wake up and have some God time, and I want everyone to hold me to it.........

2006-06-08T02:42:00.000-03:00

I want to wake up in the morning and spend some alone time with God, yet I still hit the snooze button, is there a cure for this?? The dreadful snooze button disorder?? Then I get up with barely enough time to get out the door. Is this not saying that I love my sleep more than God?? This morning time with God is very essential to a healthy relationship with Him, if we wake up to God it keeps our day focused on God and off of ourselves. It would probably also help to keep us out of or even to get us out of lodebar. So why can't we (I) do it?? My goal this month is to wake up to God.

2006-06-05T18:52:00.000-03:00

I am trying to figure out how to explain this past weekend, as some of you who were there know there doesn't seem to be any words that would describe how awesome God is, and what he is doing on the Island and what he did in so many people's lives. We will never be the same again, or I know for sure that I will never be the same again. Wow!!!!!!!!

I do have to say that Kirk's message yesterday morning was awesome. I spent the day today, trying to stay positive, trying not to talk about anyone in a bad way, and it was really hard I had to catch myself so many times. I actually spent much of the day saying nothing, because I realized that so much of what I do say is very negative. But it gave me the opportunity to think over the weekend and spend time talking to God. I was also in a situation where I could have spoken negatively about a lady, and I would have if it was last week, but instead I looked at the good in what she had done and spoke words of life instead of death.

2006-05-30T21:29:00.000-03:00

So I went to see a chiropractor today, it was great, I love having my spine cracked and my neck snapped, I hope it's worth it in the end. No more headaches would be great. Tomorrow I am headed to Grand Manan, looking forward to Anne Grant and the Bahemians, I can't wait to see what God has in store for everyone there. I am sad to say that I am going to Grand Manan without Deanna, it will be a first and I am not looking forward to leaving her behind at her Dad's, but it really didn't make sense to take her and try to find babysitters for her the whole time I was there.
What does God have in store??? I am so excited.....

2006-05-29T21:20:00.000-03:00

As I sit here tonight, I am wondering where does God want me to go?? What is my next step?? I feel like I am not doing enough for him. There has to be something else that he wants me to do. Then I think when I actually figure out what he wants me to do, when will I find the time to do it?? Being a single mom doesn't give me a lot of time, especially since I work full time and I always seem to be on the run, here or there, and when I'm not, there's cooking and cleaning, you know how it is. All I know is that I need to keep my focus on him, he needs to be first in my life and then everything else will fall into place. Trust.

2006-05-23T22:19:00.000-03:00

One thing I am learning lately is God is so faithful even when we fall short. It is so easy to think that we see his plan set before us, and then boom, it's not what we think it is, or hope it is. Then we wonder why and we cry to God, and he always answers those cries. But he always has bigger and better plans for our lives that we cannot see, but he sees everything, he knows what we do not know. I am so thankful for an ever seeing, ever knowing God.

2006-05-10T19:33:00.000-03:00

Back to yesterdays topic.... a year ago in March I was at Sub 25 one night and a man named Lorne Amos came to talk to the group about a ministry called Crown Financial, he was looking for potential group leaders for the biblical financial bible study, and I really felt God telling me to do this. As some of you know I am terrified of public speaking, it is (was) my biggest fear in life. So I decided to do this and man has it blessed me in many ways. A week later I found out that I would be working at the Oromocto Hospital which is where I wanted to be at that time, even though it was only temporary, it gave me guaranteed full time work till the next summer. I was also able to face my fear of public speaking and that was no small feat. I still struggle with it, but not even half, I could even say 1/4, as much as before. I have met so many wonderful people in these bible studies and have made lifelong friends. I have learned so much and it keeps me on the right track, it keeps me focused on getting out of debt, which is God's will for our lives.

2006-05-09T21:24:00.000-03:00

So what is God doing in my life right now and recently.... I have just realized that he has quite a sense of humor. It is funny how when you listen to him and obey him that he really will bless you. more on this later...

2006-05-08T20:37:00.000-03:00

I was watching Deanna as she played outside today, and I had to laugh over and over. It is so funny how they think and act. She was playing with her ball and she threw it and it hit her trike so then she had to go over and pat the trike and tell it, it was alright and gave it a couple of hugs. She was just out there talking and singing to herself, to the world, you just had to laugh.

2006-05-05T22:04:00.000-03:00

The last 2 days have been so great. I didn't have to work and Deanna and I had so much fun. I love this age, she will be 3 in June. Yesterday it was so nice out we went outside around 11 and played in the garden, took her new bike out for a spin and I sat in the back yard while she played around. She is so independent now and for the most part listens really well, I don't have to spend all my time chasing after her, it is so nice and much more relaxing. We had a little bbq, and then went to Heather's for another BBQ at supper time, then spent a few hours out there. Today we went into town and met up with Heather and Kathleen at Wilmot park and the kids played, and then my dad is in town so he took us out for supper. It was just a really great 2 days. And Deanna saw her rainbow tonight, she absolutely loves rainbows. Now she's at her Dad's again for the weekend, while I have to work. I almost feel like the access parent not the full time one.

2006-05-03T23:39:00.000-03:00

This really got me thinking.

So I am at work tonight, taking blood on a lady and there is a nurse in the room talking to another patient. She is saying that she couldn't decide to go into nursing or be a teacher, and she decided on nursing, but now she thinks that she chose the wrong career. I wonder how many people are out there that think this way?? A lot, I imagine. I also wonder if she had chosen teaching would she still be saying the same thing??? Is it not up to us the decisions that we choose and once we make those decisions to be happy in them??? I know that sometimes I fail in this area, I sometimes choose to let the little things make me unhappy. I don't want to be that person. I want to be happy no matter what is going on and with God's help I will be that person.