Day 5

Today I want to praise God for 2nd,3rd,4th........... chances, for his saving grace.

4 years ago today July 1, 2002 was the day that I met Deanna's father, at a bar. I was there with a friend having a good time, or what I used to think was a good time, that was the beginning of a 3 month relationship. September rolled around and I told him that if he didn't want a committed relationship then that was it, so that was it....

October 18, 2002 came an hour before my friends were to throw me a big b-day bash, I decided to take a preg test and it was positive. I was in a state of shock, I was convinced that I was not going to have this baby, so I went and bought the alcohol anyways. Because of God's grace, of course I was having this baby, of course I couldn't bring myself to drink the alcohol. A month later I finally called her Dad to tell him I was pregnant, this was after many debates with friends and family about whether or not I should even tell him I was pregnant, I barely even knew this guy. How was I to know what kind of Father he would be. In the end I knew I had to do what was right, I didn't want to have to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life wondering where he was and I realized that this baby would need her father, no matter how hard it would be for me to let her go. After we talked we decided that it would be best that if we didn't get back together just because I was pregnant, because he has another daughter and they had gotten back together when she found out she was pregnant and it didn't work out.

I was in my last year of a 5 year Bachelor of Medical Laboratory Science program. The next 9 months were very trying. I was sick the entire pregnancy, I was attending school full time, I was working at the hospital taking blood, averaging 20 hours a week. I saw a nutritionist, I was in counselling, I took baby classes, healthy eating classes, I read anything I could get my hands on. It is all such a blur, I think I was going through the motions but it's so hard to remember actually being there. I saw Deanna's dad maybe 3 times while I was pregnant, all I had around me were a couple of friends, and a few awesome professors at the University. One of my prof's, who was the head of my program was s0 great. She helped me to get through the year and graduate so that I would have it done and over with before the baby arrived. I finished my last course 3 days before my due date, that was through the grace of God.

Through this time I kept seeking God, or I should say God was seeking me, I was very resistant, or stubborn, I wasn't going to give in to God which meant giving in to my mother.....but he had me it was only a matter of time. God just kept popping up everywhere, the counsellor I went to see was a christian, My Grand mother had given me some books and one of them happened to be a christian book, "Beyond Ourselves" by Catherine Marshall, a holy spirit filled book, an awesome book and, it scared me half to death, but drew me in slowly but surely. I don't even think I was able to finish it at that time.

So Deanna Jayde came on June 19, 2003. We disappeared to Grand Manan and Beulah Camp for 10 weeks, I think I called her Dad twice. Pregnancy and having a baby really messes with the hormones, I was a such a mess, I didn't want him to have anything to do with us, I just wanted him to be like so many other dead beat dad's, why did he have to care, why did he want to be part of her life. He wasn't there to sign the birth certificate and I didn't know if I was going to put him name on it or not. Finally after hours at the hospital, I wrote his name on it without his signature. I was told that if I did that his name wouldn't be on it, but at least I could say that I had put his name on it. A month later it came back to me saying it needed his signature or something in writing saying he wasn't able to sign and was not part of her life. I felt like if his name was on it I would lose any control that I had over the situation. So I struggled over that for another month and a half, it just tormented me, I didn't know what to do.

One night he came over to see her and I remember praying and feeling that I was to get him to sign it. So I did and he did. After he left I went to my Bible and I remember asking God to show me that I had done the right thing and I opened up my Bible and this is the scripture that God gave me Luke 8:16-18 A Lamp on a Stand "No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him."

How much clearer could God have made it then this....For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. If I had chosen to send it back without his signature it would still be haunting me to this day, that is if it hadn't already been found out. That is the night that I surrendered my life to God, the night that his grace covered all of my sins and set me free. The night that I was covered by the Blood of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.

I was baptised shortly after that along with my brother and sister and other youth from across Grand Manan. The story goes on and on but I will save the rest for a later time....